THIS & THAT #13

THE IMPORTANCE OF YAHOO 
NEWS IN THE AGE OF TRUMP

Whenever I open my email account, I am immediately confronted by Yahoo News stories of great significance to my life, to the lives of countless others embedded in the Trump nation, and minions from around the globe, who are anxiously awaiting the important stories of our time.

Here is a small, selected sample of some of those fascinating stories and their headlines that I was fortunate enough to read about today.

“Zoa’s sheer gown relies on strategic patches.”

Ah ha, finally in this politically charged country, strategy is being employed. Wonder if Trump’s generals were consulted?

“Proof Ashley Graham loves see-through clothes.”

That’s what we need more of — transparency.

“Why Carey always chooses this side in photos.”

No reason was given, but it probably sent millions of people to find the accurate, factual answer on Google.

“School to build first on-campus firing range.”

On March 23, 1775, Patrick Henry was quoted as saying, “Give me liberty or give me death.” The school with the first on-campus firing range is Liberty University, founded by Jerry Falwell in 1967. He also organized the Moral Majority in 1979, and its most famous bumper sticker read, “The Moral Majority is neither.” A lead story in the November 1983 issue of Hustler magazine ran a parody advertisement, which claimed that Falwell had a drunken, incestuous relationship with his mother in an outhouse. The ad carried a disclaimer in small print at the bottom of the page that said, "ad parody—not to be taken seriously", and the magazine's table of contents also listed the ad as: "Fiction; Ad and Personality Parody.

Falwell sued Flynt and Hustler for damages for libel, invasion of privacy (vs. invasion of privy-see), and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The District Court jury awarded Falwell $150,000 in damages for emotional distress. Hustler appealed, and in a unanimous decision, the Supreme Court ruled, “First Amendment free speech guarantees protect parodies of public figures from being civilly liable for intentionally inflicted emotional distress.” Perhaps Trump will appoint Jerry Falwell Jr., the current president of Liberty U., to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court and help reverse that decision. It was alleged that Junior killed an anti-Trump story in the university’s newspaper.

Jerry Falwell Jr. recently said that he turned down Trump’s offer to become our country’s education secretary. Shoot, this is actually a meaningful story. Thank ewe, Yahoo.

“Stunning and simple — winter hair and makeup.”

Provides interested readers (and who isn’t intensely interested) in finding dynamic information on bombshell curls and red lips?

“Jennifer Lawrence Apologizes for Offending With Butt-Scratching Story”

While filming in Hawaii, Jenny had an annoying itch in her crotch, and used a sacred ancestral stone to relieve herself. The culturally-aware actress described the scene,  “It was this huge dramatic deal, and all the Hawaiians were like, ‘Oh, my God. It’s the curse!’ … and I’m over in the corner going, ‘I’m your curse. I wedged it loose with my ass.’” That appears to be quite a sincere apology for her.

Now that we have briefly covered Yahoo’s most important stories, let’s move on to real news on Yahoo. Readers discover important geo-political news headlines that will affect all of us, and two stories centered on the names of leaders of two of the most-powerful nations in the world.

FROM THE EAST

“Putin splurges on daughter’s favorite sport.”

Russia is building a $30 million complex for acrobatic rock 'n' roll, a niche sport in which President Vladimir Putin's youngest daughter is a leading dancer and has a senior role for development. Why not? Cheerleading will soon be introduced as an Olympic sport, followed by the three-point shot put event.

FROM THE WEST

“The KKK doesn’t like the term white supremacist.”

Standing on a muddy dirt road in the dead of night near the North Carolina-Virginia border, masked Ku Klux Klan members claimed Donald Trump's election as president proves whites are taking back America from blacks, immigrants, Jews and other groups they describe as criminals and freeloaders. America was founded by and for whites, they say, and only whites can run a peaceful, productive society.

The question now facing the nation, “Will Donald duck this connection?”