THIS & THAT #29

THINK SOMEONE HAS
THE WRONG ADDRESS

Last week I received an 8 ½ x 6-inch black envelope in the mail, with the words LUXURY CARD imprinted in white on both sides, and the backside also read “You’re invited.”

“Invited to what?” I innocently asked. Marina Kissam, Vice President, Customer Services in charge of the MasterCard® Black Card explained that “Dear Harvey Gotliffe,” was invited to become a Luxury Card Member. It features a 2% Airfare Reduction Rate as well as a 1.5% Cash Back Redemption Rate.

I was still unsure if this card was right for me, but Marina kept on selling me on the need to own one since it “is engineered with a unique stainless steel front and carbon back.” She nearly sold me when she emphasized that 39 patents had been issued globally, and the Luxury Card leads the industry in metal card design and construction. I can picture myself sitting in Economy Class, taking out the card and bragging to the person next to me about the construction and design of the card.

However, Marina Kissam gave me more fodder to digest when she said that as a Card Member, I would enjoy 24/7 services with Luxury Card Concierge, room upgrades, spa credits and complimentary food and beverages at over 3,000 properties around the world. Ms. Kissam may need a proofreader to change that wording to correctly read “at more than” 3,000 properties. The Card also includes a $100 annual airline travel credit, a $100 Global Entry application fee credit and airport lounge access. 

I would also receive LUXURY MAGAZINE, a quarterly members-only publication, with each issue showcasing an artist’s work as the cover art, making it a limited-edition collector’s item.

Among the four sales sheets included in the envelope was one that dealt with an annual fee of $495, plus $195 for my wife as an additional user. On a form that’s headlined, “A World of Privilege Awaits You,” is a box that asks for my Total Annual Income, which includes all of my sources of income, including income from assets.

I am a devout believer in supplying as little private information as possible to all local, state and federal government agencies. Thus the following paragraph disturbs me in an age where I might be considered un-American because I supported Norman Thomas in his 1948 presidential bid, although I was a mere lad of twelve at the time.

Important Information About Procedures for Opening a New Account.      “To help the government fight the funding of terrorism and money laundering activities, federal law requires all financial institutions to obtain, verify and record information that identifies each person who opens an account. What this means to you: When you apply for an account. We will ask for your name, street address, date of birth, social security number, and other information that will allow us to identify you. We may also ask to see copies of identifying documents. We also ask for your country of citizenship.”

.....and the correct answers to the above, almost are: 1523, 1-22-00, 371-32-000, USA

While my wife and I appreciate the efforts of Marina Kissam to offer us such a prestigious package, after flying to Detroit in May for two weeks, and then to England for a fortnight in June, we had already decided to avoid travelling by air for a while. If we do fly, we could use one of our already-too-many credit cards for any journey, even though we would lose the opportunity to avail the services of LUXURY LOUNGE NY, which according to Marina “is situated on New York’s Madison Avenue and provides a respite from the city with curated art, complimentary beverages and Wi-Fi access.”

We shall survive without the MasterCard® Black Card, but will barely do so. Don’t think we would have joined even if we had been offered access to the Trump Tower, or the Mar-a-Lago Club. We have been avoiding New York and Florida, for there is little incentive to go to either area.